Аннотация: The english version of the story written in 2004 and previously known as 'Aelita's mirror'.
The Miracle Mirror.
The module linked off the spacecraft and flashed with white spheres of plasma engines. There was silence inside the module for few seconds before entering atmosphere. And when Valeriy starched his hand towards desk, the module's sensors awoke.
- Welcome to Mars.
Helen and I stared each other. Her helmet's shield went down, cutting tiredness of smile with the bronze indifference. I did the same, that was reasonable. While atmosphere was rarefied the module's platting could get hot and flame. Well I can look down at the lifeless planet even now, through the shaded shield.
The module penetrated the atmosphere and started vibrating. Seemed like Mars didn't let us come closer.
- Thirty percent of critical tremor, - Nikolai said.
He might not say that, we saw the numbers at the screen but the words turned us at ease. The sound of the words was strange. I fell like Mars forced us to fall in silence and sense the loneliness, the nonentity.
The calculations showed the duration of descent - approximately thirty minutes. At the determined altitude the breaking balloons will open, the maneuvering jets will switch on.
The module started vibrating strongly. Helen thumbed up, confirmed that fist balloons step is active now.
Meanwhile communication screen came online with words. We received a message from the mission control. Cosmodrom Vostochniy was sending us actual data, and all all the four of us inside the landing module were correcting the descent. It was fine, almost perfect. The platting became hot, but I decided to risk and raised my shaded shield.
Helen gently touched my shoulder.
- I's okay I'll be careful, - I hoped that could reassure her.
In my eyesight I've mentioned a strange white flash behind the window, in the right. Then another white fire flashed.
- Helen, - I said and starched a hand to shaded shield, - Be careful too. There was a strange flare, 2 hours.
- Where?
Something happened to my shield lock, I tried to handle, but couldn't. The flares became brighter.
- I do not see anything,- Helen said and touched her bronze protective mirror.
- Don't do that, - I cried.
Nikolai turned at me.
- What a flare?
I took a breath loudly.
- I don't know. Like a charge, or discharge. Lightning.
- There couldn't be a lightning in the Martian atmosphere at this altitude, - Helen argued.
Another flare flashed, I winced. The pain inside my eyes was terrible.
- It happened again, - I stooped in pain and hided face in helmet with my gloves.
- Than where are that hell of a flares? - Nikolai said with irritation.
- Looks like he became delirious, - Helen added.
And then I heard three flicks, they raised their shaded shields.
- Oh, no!
But I was late with my cry. Blinding white flare absorbed the inner space of module.
I lost my consciousness for a short time, may be for three minutes. Loud sound of alarm and red light blinking blasted space around me, they tried to have all my attention. The transmission from Earth continued, but with breaks. The atmosphere distortions broke the signal apart. Actual raw data was translated from the Martian recon, but not directly from satellite to module. We were getting purified and calculated data back from Earth. And we received all data with a delay, something like six or seven minutes. That was enough for normal decent and prediction of the atmosphere behavior, but no one had predicted those white flares.
I used several bad words when the message line wrote 'trace of the magnetic storm'.
Nikolai, Valeriy and Helen lied unconscious, and the module almost lost its control. I could try to perform additional braking, that's all I could in current circumstances. If I release the last balloons at the current speed, they a going to tear off. I thought why the doubling auto-landing system malfunctioned? But no answer could help at the moment. All that left was plasma engine braking. But I risked to loose the fuel for return. Terrible risk. And a chance to survive.
I broke seal, pushed the bottom and activated emergency brake. It was less than thousand meters to surface. I suppose that white flares of the engine were as bright as that mysterious lights, but I didn't see them. Deadly overload of the brake dropped me towards module hull. The suite saved me and the helmet held the hit. And once again I lost my mind. Now for a long time.
When I awoke the first thing I understood was our landing. I could not call it soft and perfect. Covered with strange star pattern, deep black Martian sky looked at me outside the hull crack. I felt pain and disorientation. I tried to stand up on my elbows and was surprised with success. Most of the displays were offline. It was clear that the module will never take off the Mars. So I must call the backup module from the spacecraft in the orbit. And than I must... Fever tossed me, mind was confused.
I left the remains of the chair and rushed to Nikolai, he was the nearest. I turned his suite from back to face and released the hands involuntarily. The body fell back. I was not eager to turn him again. I saw dense hoarfrost inside his helmet. Helen looked like being unharmed. Well, all was fine with her suite and helmet. I tried to awake, revive Helena and didn't mind to check her personal telemetry. But when I looked intently at her face I felt sickness in my stomach. There were clots of blood in corners of her semi-closed eyes. So these atmosphere flares were much more deadly than I could imagine earlier. But Helen looked as alive as just sleeping.
Then I looked at Valeriy's face, and didn't surprise. The flare burned him too.
I felt like I lost all my life force and fell back into chair.
Alone. I was left totally alone.
How long did I sit there in silence? I cannot say exactly. May be for one minute, may be ten or may be hours.
They have prepared all of us for the expedition. The scientists studied our psychology, performed the trails and situations even outstanding and unimaginable. We passed it all, we did it. But trial and reality have many differences. May be they missed something, and I shouted in loneliness and fear.
Time passed and I collected my mind. I moved to control panel and started diagnostics. The atmosphere storm continued, so I left the dead module and settled additional antenna over the hull - I had to keep safe signal. I tried to call for spacecraft in orbit, but with no result. Then I tried again and again, and after all I have established link with orbital computer. I kept all command in mind and installed the needed coordinates. But I could not think perfectly, my thought brought me back to bodies of my friends.
When the backup module entered the atmosphere I could see the trace of it's decent. Clear and perfect. But I missed something or have mistaken while finding the landing ground. I tried to reinsure with that storm... And the module was descending towards horizon. Even before the flare disappeared in the silhouettes of mountains I made a simple calculation. 200 kilometers, may be fifty more or less. 'More' probably.
All the oxygen I could bring with me in one time was limited. One day portion. And nothing could help, robo-rover was broken.
I understood. Finally I'm alone. And I have no time to escape.
It was strange but when I understood that everything was over I felt lightness. Literary it was as good as if I left a huge load somewhere behind. The same feeling happens when someone puts the gun against the back of your head. Well, previously I was sure about myself. Ready to be in order in any kind of situation. Now it appears that I didn't know myself.
I chocked down with crazy laugh while carrying out bodies onto Martian surface. Gradually laugh changed into cough, and then I felt the hot shots within my eyes. Several tears slipped down my cheeks. Amusing feeling like I'm cold, cold cheeks and fingers and the tears are hot. Why? Are they slipping from somewhere outside me?
I dig up the soil with the piece of platting, making three shallow graves. I linked off the oxygen cans from the bodies. Even the Nikolai's portion was full. Thanks to suit automation. Cans were safe and secured. That oxygen will make me alive for a while.
But how could it save me? Nonsense.
- Sorry, my friends, - I spoke to bodies. With the polymer scotch I glued up the break over Nikolai's face, and then covered all three shaded shields.
- That's enough for you, my friends. You looked enough at the sun, time is over.
The first human's cupped hand threw the first Martian clay over body. The first humans went into Mars.
I've collected some rocks and built a burial mound over each of the graves. Artificial Martian Pyramids. Nobody will find them in a telescope view. But who knows. May be they will see them all may be they will find even my lifeless body.
I decided to attach the oxygen cans to my suite with the same scotch. I did it and then threw my last glance at the crashed module and the graves.
- Now we are Martians a bit, aren't we? - I asked my friends. They didn't answer. I saluted them with hand, turned back and made a step towards the side where backup module landed. I never looked backwards.
Little by little it became warmer. Martian gravity is three times less then terrestrial, I walked softly and confidently ahead, and oxygen mix added confidence to my mind. That's a cool mix, perfect one, my death will be funny. Two hours passed and I linked off two cans. One felt on the Martian sand, another held a bit on piece of the scotch. It looked to me like white flag of my life.
I took a deep long breath but then ordered myself not to do that again. Any phantasmal chance I have should be used wisely, if exists. Even if I don't believe in it. Even if I don't have any more faith at all. Or do I have?
A flapped down on my knees.
'Oh, Lord, forgive my... I didn't pray at their graves. Forgive me oh, Lord!' I cried in all the strength of my voice, cried curse for the nullity of my soul, prayed for Lord's forgiveness and asked for salvation. I prayed for death without torment, if there is no salvation.
'Stop that' - I ordered myself, when settled down a bit, - 'Interrupt. Still you are able to do something, You can stand up and go'.
'What for?' - I asked myself.
'For just to go. To stand up and go'.
Well, I finally started a dialogue with myself. Way to go out of mind, if I continue going that way. What can I do? Then let it be. May be then I will miss an instance of death. What a wonderful decision - missing death by misunderstanding. La-la-la-la. La-la.
'You are an idiot.'
'I know. Then what?'
I kicked a dirty red rock and watched a cloud of sand and dust disappearing in a far Martian dune.
'Perfect kick, that rock looked like an ass. Now I'm a Martian Kickass.'
'You are a perfect fool'.
'Look at yourself'.
'That's what I'm doing'.
'That's what I see'.
Before the new can finished I finally understood that I will not reach safety in lifetime. While going ahead I argued myself and kicked another Martian stone. Didn't hold a state and fell on surface. The hit was short and painful.
- F-f-f-fantastic, - I hissed.
I lapsed into silence, but hissing continued. Oh, yeah that's a crack in my suite. Nothing serious, we can glue it up with scotch.
'You forgot the scotch at the last halt'.
'Yeah, really I needed that scotch?'
'Really now you really need it'.
'Then shut up!'
My hands were trembling when I started linking off the last cans from my suite. That pieces of scotch may hold, I know, they are specially designed for Mars. And suddenly something had happened. It looked like a wind blow, it pulled out the scotch from my hand and the piece flitted away.
- Stay you bastard, - I cried and rushed after the piece. I caught it, I held it and took up. And once again I laughed as crazy one. The sand was falling out from the scotch, the glue became frozen. Of course it was frozen. If not it rather could glue up with my glove.
I stood up from my knees and came back to cans left on the sand. The hissing was not going stronger or weaker. Than I will live few hours less. That's not a trouble, that's nothing. That's what I thought and went down on the Martian sand. For whole-length.
- Hi, Martian sky. You are cool. Like there at home.
The sky kept silence. I closed my eyes. And felt asleep.
Suddenly I fell being strangled and said a few very bad words. That was a direct way to death! I could die while sleeping, that's impossible! The can lock didn't want to switch off. Color bubbles danced in front of my eyes. My hands didn't follow the orders. I said some words again and the can agreed. I've changed the oxygen and swore not to sleep again. Until the last can remains. And what will be then? We shall see.
I went over the cold Martian sand. What a wonder, I thought. What is needed for the man in this life? May be a wish to live, and that's enough for all. Without this wish a man does not live, even if he has all needed things at hand. Like water or oxygen. I stopped and drank some water.
I was as tranquil as never before. Four cans left. May be for hours may be more. The crack is hissing, what can I do? Let it be.
Let it be my wish to live. I just want to live.
If you want than live, I said myself.
And I went forward.
Step by step. No stops. No hesitation.
I believe that I want to live. Let the whole Universe be against. The hostile world is around me. He may be against. But I disagree. I want to live. I just want. And I believe that I want.
I went and imagined that may be sometime everything will change here. There will be air and water. The cities will appear. The folks will dwell. But I want to live.
Step by step.
The fresh young rivers will flow in their riverbeds or channels, the leafs will rustle, and the animals' claws will draw patterns over the red Martian sand. They will avoid people, and the people will feel happiness that they made a gift of life for dead planet.
But I want to live. And while I'm still alive no one will take that wish from me.
I know the end is coming. Three cans now.
The kids will run and play the games under the poor Martian sun. Kids In suites. And may be later they will take off their suits. There will be playgrounds with toy pyramids. Not only the pyramids for graves.
Step left, step right.
The third can flew into Martian sand. I change them while going on, I sworn, no stop. It's definitely important to follow the vow. How much it is left there, how far is that module? Never mind, I will go ahead. That's for only reason that I want to live.
I predict that will be people born on Mars. And they will call themselves Martians. It's a joke or I really imagine how they spend their vacations on Earth, or they'd decide that here it is better. It's their home.
I want to live. And I will. Until I'm dead you can not deny my will, do you hear me? You are cold Martian dunes. Take that empty can, that's all that you can. I have two cans yet and you will not prevail.
It seems to me that hissing sounds louder. Well, it's nothing. It means nothing. Do you hear me, Mars? It means nothing!
Step and step again.
In the hill the grass will flap down under the blast of the wind. The clouds will fly over, will cover waves of Martian flora by living, moving shadows. And the sun will play inside the drops of morning moisture on the leafs. But that's nothing. I can only dream about that prosperity of life.
Stop again - I ordered myself. I don't need these thoughts.
It can happen. Coming back from far deep space people will flap down on knees. And say: 'Thank you, Lord, we are back home and safe'.
I changed the can. The final can of oxygen.
'That's it. The final point. I'll not go anywhere else. I'm tired. I need to take a break, to sleep. I think I passed forty kilometers, may be even more. Who knows, who counts? I'm the first Martian marathon runner!'
'You will sleep but you will not wake up'.
'No chance'.
'Ha-ha'.
'And who are you then?'
'It does not matter who I'm. May be an astronaut born somewhere sometime'.
'You will not wake up'.
'Go back to the void'.
I flapped down on my knees again. And I heard that hissing became stronger. I clasped the hand to my helmet. Time to close the shaded shield. May be it will help to last my life for several moments. Oh, it was also cracked, the crack is large. Never mind, it may not be worse than now. But I'm still alive, if it matters.
I knew that may be I would not be able to awake. I closed my eyes and ordered myself not to think about the dream that was going to be final. Let me see there the warm Martian seas, the coasts and the slim Martian girls in bikini taking sun baths. May be without bikini, ha-ha. Why do they have to hide their prettiness? My eyes became closed. My hand relaxed and felt away from bronze protective mirror. May be I should lay that way and turn my face to ground, may be I could cover crack with glove, may be something else.
That thought was in my dream. I thought about silent Martian wind, touching bright and tender flowers.
I slept and didn't understand that blow of the wind threw sand toward my site. Again and again. May be Mars decides to bury me here alive? Keep it up, dead planet, I'm still alive, and may be I will get of it. Let me sleep a bit. I hear the rustle of sand in the wind. I hear the purl of the Martian springs from the far.
May be I'm out of mind.
Who can tell me am I right?
Tell?
I will not tell anyone. May I be or not to be myself.
I'am?
Who?
'Who am I?'
It is so cold out there.
But it becomes warmer.
No matter. May be it's a usual happening here, who knows?
Step and step again. It is so empty around. Or it only seems too empty. Something is happening to my eyes. Like a wind blew some sand in my eyes. Let me flap down on my knees and wipe it out, clean my eyes from sand. That's it. It is definitely sand.
Oh, my God, what is that? Do I wear any cloth or not? I wear. That ribbon or the piece of fabric, white as the snow. If I know what is it - snow? Yes I know. I know.
I stand up from my knees.
No one here around?
It is strange.
No one in the whole world around. It is wonderful.
And what if I look backwards? May I?
Hills and trees. Leafs and flowers, lilac and turquoise. I see and I like. They are beautiful.
Lilac.
Lily.
I like.
I see.
What else do I see?
Who am I? Who am I?
What do I see there? Pinky-white forms go high into sky. Inclined and straight - that's a city. That means I came out there. And where do I go? I don't know but I go. Let's look where it goes. There was an aim and approach. I don't know what is it, I'll discover when I reach.
But by the way I go, who am I?
Sand stabs my feet while I go.
And here grass is growing I know. I'll go by grass, that's not so painful to my feet. It's a pity grass, so few. Is it ought to be? A do not know, I do not remember. I remember it is always a lot of sand down there, near the spring. The spring is there right behind the hill. How I call it? Lilac vault. No, not a vault. Lilac arch. Or lilac sky, I don't remember, and it seems to me I mix the languages. Can it be? It is funny.
No it is not cold. It is pretty. The skittish wind plays with my hair. And with fabric around my belt.
Finally here I ask who am I?
Why?
Ai-ai.
Something is there, in the sand. Shining. Like a mirror. Let me look.
By the way.
Who am I?
I touch that strange unknown mirror. It's cracked. It is golden or bronze mirror. I'll whisk away these stones and sand. Wow, I have a flower in my hair. Martian lily. Is it lilac? No. It is white and it flares.
Well that is good, now I know where I'm. On the Mars? Sure.
I'm. A Martian. A Martain girl.
What a wonderful miracle mirror, it showed me who am I. Let me take that mirror with me.
I'll dig it out.
What?
Is it a grave?
Is it a head?
Is it a helmet?
Who is under that helmet? A man? A Martian? A Martian-man? A Man-Martain?
I quivered when I felt the touch. Someone touched my suite. And I don't hear that hiss. The oxygen was over?
I opened my eyes and woke up.
You are.
Who are you?
And you?
You are a Martian girl.
How do you know that?
That was a silent dialogue. Glance by glance, moment after moment. We saw each other in tranquility and transparency. We were the parts of each other.
I'm
And I.
You understand.
Me too.
Let.
Me.
Take off.
This,
Helmet.
And.
Suite.
There is.
Air.
Here.
The time had passed. Seconds or minutes, I don't know. I took off my suite. And I was looking in her golden-bronze eyes. And like in mirror I saw there thoughts and dreams. All of them became real.
- Your name is Aelita?
- A-e-lita? - she laughed, - What a funny name. Of course not. My name is Tell-y.
- Tell-y? But I think you are Aelita. That's the name of the character in one ancient novel. The Martian character, you know.
- That's not right and I don't know. I'm Tell-y. Listen to me. I really don't understand what's going on. I feel like I remember all and nothing in the same time. And I never read you novel.
- Okay, then I'll try to explain. My name is Sergei.
- Well, Sergei, please be so kind to explain me all that you can.
- I will. If there is water nearby? I hear how it murmurs and I feel terrible thirst.
- I can help. The spring is right behind that hill. I'll follow you.
We were sitting at the shore of the little river. The shore was covered by variegated flowers of martial lily, mainly white and flaring. The flares where dancing in the wind and did not harm. The little ripples moved over the water, and little red grains of the sand rolled over the river bottom, following the lively stream. Sun light was playing in the lilac leafs of trees around and over Tell-y's skin, colored ochry.
- That's incredible, - she whispered, - I could be angry with you. Thanks to you I have no past, no... I have nothing.
- You have the future, Tell-y.
- So what? No, I can not be angry with you. You had a wish to live and that's all. Well, who can blame you for the fact that you had created the world?
- That's for sure was not me. I'm not a God.
- You are right, but you had a wish. Could it happen if you hadn't?
- Who knows?
- Who knows.
I took a lily flower in hand and brought it to her fine hair. She didn't oppose. Even didn't response. She was just sitting and looking at the wonders - young river and lily flowers growing through the Martian sand.
- I don't know anyone who could explain that.
- Tell-y if you think of me, I couldn't. Sorry for that.
- Seryozha, I know that. Then we can just stop talking about the matter. We will say nothing. As you said we will tell nobody.
- That's a good decision.
- Yes it's good.
- Tell-y?
- M-m-m?
- What will happen in the future?
She looked at my eyes, looked inside my soul. The lilac sunny flares played inside the miracle mirror of her Martian eyes.
- I don't know. Let's live. We have it, we want it. Isn't it enough?
- It is more than enough. I understood it there in the Martian void.