Голоднер Зиновий Наумович : другие произведения.

Office wittisisms

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   Longevity
  
   I get better as I get older,
   As I get older I get balder,
   By the time I'm at my best
   And could pass the toughest test
   Nobody'll give a damn
   How good I really am.
  
   Internet
  
   Blow kisses electronically,
   Surf the Net to find a sale
   Genuflecting ergonomically
   To the goddess of e-mail.
  
  
   If you are a slow driver which is your type:
      -- Know that they drive slowly but would not let anybody pass.
      -- Don't realize they are driving slowly.
      -- Don't realize they are driving.
  
   If you are in data processing which is your type:
      -- Know what they are doing but are too busy to get anything done.
      -- Don't know what they are doing but doing it anyway.
      -- Don't know what they are doing and blame others for not getting the job done.
  
   Murphy had never worked here. Otherwise, he would have stated:
   One's salary is inverse proportion to one's contribution to the organization.
  
   You know it's spring when potholes are beginning to turn into speed bumps.
  
   You are old if you don't have the energy to make new mistakes and hardly remember the old ones.
  
   My translation of a Russian college joke:
   Laziness is your body's natural defense against overexertion.
  
  
   My translation of Russian military wisdom:
   Do not rush to carry out an order because there will be
   another order superseding the first one.
  
   As to me, computer programming is to have fun solving puzzles and getting paid for that. And the bigger the paycheck the more fun it is.
  
   Glossary.
  
   Articulate - make an article out of a paragraph.
  
   Commitment - appointment of a committee to get something done.
  
   Pollution - election year surveys of public opinion.
  
  
   Stages of social development:
      -- Pre-industrial society: bread and circus.
      -- The industrial society: safety net and midnight basketball.
      -- Post-industrial society: safety net and Internet.
      
      
       I am not an organ donor, I have nothing worth donating.
      
      
       Sign on my tombstone: "I'd rather be working".
      
      
       If the clowns are running the show, the place is a circus.
      
      
       You have the right to remain silent, ignorant or indifferent.
      
      
       I see a lot of "wealth management" advertised on TV; nobody advertises
       "poverty management".
      
       I know there is no god but I will no say that because I am afraid to be
       punished by the almighty.
      
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Новые книги авторов СИ, вышедшие из печати:
О.Болдырева "Крадуш. Чужие души" М.Николаев "Вторжение на Землю"

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