Аннотация: Когда-то мне пришел в голову вот такой вот монолог. Потом я написала вокруг него рассказ. По прочтении недавно решила рассказ выкинуть, а монолог оставить. На память.
I am a mirror. I don"t remember when or how I first realized it, but I know I"ve been one all my life. I can still remember struggling with it, fighting, and denying. I remember how painful, how hopeless the struggle was to fake what I did not have - an individuality. I used to say, "I just want to be myself," not knowing what "myself" was. I thought doing whatever I wanted would accomplish that. "Just do what you feel you want to do, don"t try to follow the others," I told myself. So I did exactly what I wanted, and it always coincided with what whoever was with me at a time wanted. I did not just go along, nor did I try to be supportive - I, with my whole heart, wanted the same thing.
I was being a reflection.
As time has passed, I"ve finally accepted it. I have a special role in this play that we call life. I do not know the purpose of this role; but then, I have not seen the script. Who has?
This is what I do. When I am with someone, be it a friend, a boyfriend, or even a casual acquaintance, I show that person"s reflection. If you meet me, you will become strangely attracted to me right away. You will think you have found your soul mate, if you have ever searched for one. Of course, if you are shy and not very sociable there is not much of a chance we will become friends, because I"ll be just as shy. But if we do, you"ll find that I have the same fears and anxieties you"ve always had. Whoever you are, it will turn out that I like the same things you do.
After a while, however, you"ll feel strange in my presence. You"ll see familiar manners, but you won"t know who I remind you of. Some of the thing I do you will find annoying, superficial, even mean. You"ll wonder why it bothers you so much; after all, nobody"s perfect. You"ll keep thinking about it, and the moment will come when you realize that my bad qualities are yours. No matter how self-assured you are, you"ll recognize yourself in me. This what I do: I don"t tell you, I show you - yourself. You get a chance to see what other people see when they look at you.
You may like it or not. You may use me to improve your own image, or you may try to shatter me. In any case, after a while you will start to avoid me. Yet you will keep coming back, because very few can resist looking at their reflection in the mirror.
I have done almost anything in my life. I have dropped out of college and lived on the streets. I went back to college and gotten a degree. I would get rich running a ruthless scam, and then donate all the money. Some of the things I"ve done used to haunt me, but now they don"t. I know I am just a mirror, reflecting whoever looks in me, be it a saint or a devil incarnate.