'The important thing in life is to make a difference - to make a change to something,' the girl said.
'Ah - you mean we have to change the world?' the boy replied.
'No, not all of the world, we just have to change the bit of it around us,' the girl said. She was silent for a moment, then she laughed at herself. 'I can't believe I said that. It's such a predictable thing to say, isn't it? But what are you going to do with your life? What's your plan?'
'Well, my parents are coming to collect me later today,' he told her. 'Then I'll go to France for a few weeks and after that, maybe I'll go to China.'
'Oh, you're going travelling,' she said wearily. 'You're predictable too. You've got too much money, that's your problem, Dexter. What you really mean is that you're running away from real life.'
'Travelling broadens the mind, Emma,' he said slowly. He was trying to copy the girl's accent. Suddenly, he leaned over her and kissed her.
'I think you're too broad-minded now,' the girl said, quickly turning her face away from him.
The girl was from Yorkshire, in the north of England. She was used to posh boys from the south making fun of her soft northern accent. Sometimes she didn't care, but now she suddenly felt annoyed with the boy. Everything was going wrong tonight.
'Anyway, I'm not talking about the immediate future,' she told him. 'I'm not asking about tomorrow, I'm asking what you want to be in twenty years from now.'
At first, the best answer he could think of was 'I want to be rich and famous'. But then he thought a bit more and spoke seriously. 'I don't ever want to be different from this,' he said. 'I'd like to stay exactly as I am now. Every fifteenth of July, I want to be just like this.'
The girl was called Emma Morley. The boy's name was Dexter Mayhew. They were lying on the narrow bed in Emma's room in a shared flat. It was four o'clock in the morning. The two young people didn't know each other very well, but certainly this was a night for thinking about the future. It was the last night of their university life in Edinburgh. Earlier in the day, after four years, they had finally graduated. Soon they would go in separate directions.
Emma looked up at the boy as he leaned over her. She was a little annoyed with him, but she still thought that he was handsome. 'Mm - handsome. Perhaps "beautiful" is a better word,' she thought. And she knew that lots of the other girl students agreed with her - especially the posh ones from the south. They all knew that he would get their clothes off and get them into his bed. His body was muscular and the skin of his face was tight. His eyebrows were slim and his lips were full. 'Yes, he's beautiful, but he looks a little like a cat,' Emma told herself.
'I think I can imagine you when you're forty,' she said unkindly. 'You'll have an expensive red sports car and live in the most expensive part of London. You'll be married to your third wife - no, I'm wrong, your fourth wife. There won't be any children. You're too selfish for children. No children, just three expensive divorces.'
'Well, Em,' Dexter began crossly.
'Who's "Em"?' Emma quickly asked.
'Your friends call you "Em", I've heard them call you that,' he said.
'Ah, yes, my friends call me that,' Emma replied.
'Can't I call you that?' he asked. He sounded worried.
'Oh, all right then, Dex,' she said. 'Go on.'
'Well, if you think I'm so terrible why are you sleeping with me?' he asked.
'Well, I don't think I really have slept with you, have I?' she replied. 'You can choose either meaning of "sleep" - I mean, we haven't been to sleep and we haven't done anything else, have we?'
'No,' the boy said, 'no, we haven't quite done that.'
Tonight Emma had wanted something different. She wasn't sure what it was, but their names sounded good together. 'Emma and Dexter,' she thought. 'Em and Dex.'
'Wait there,' Emma said. 'I'm just going to the bathroom. Don't go away.' She put on her thick glasses and walked towards the door.
In the bathroom, Emma asked herself why she was being difficult with the boy. 'He's certainly very bourgeois and he isn't very clever, but I really like him,' she told herself.
Emma had liked Dexter since she'd first met him at a party two years before. But she'd never got to know him and in just a few hours he would be gone. And he certainly wasn't going to ask her to go to China with him. It was a bit sad. For the first time in four years she was with a boy she really liked. But she couldn't relax with him. They had been kissing and talking for eight hours now and she still didn't know what she wanted.
Dexter, waiting in the bedroom, looked around him. He had been in so many rooms like this one - rooms where girls like Emma lived. These girls always wore t-shirts with political slogans on the fronts. There were always political posters on their walls. There were always CDs of political songs. They were all the same, these girls with socialist ideas. They always thought that he was horribly bourgeois and they always thought that being bourgeois was bad. Well, he had news for them. He thought that being bourgeois was just fine.
Dexter hadn't really decided yet on a map for his future life. But he was twenty-three years old and he had some ambitions. He wanted to be successful at something - he just didn't know at what. He wanted to make his parents proud of him. He wanted to meet lots of women. He wanted to have lots of fun in his life and he wanted never to be sad.
Thinking about fun and sadness, Dexter was now feeling that this night had been a mistake. There were going to be tears. There were going to be angry phone calls.
Emma returned and lay down beside him again. She had put on a t-shirt with a political slogan on the front.
'Do you mind if we just cuddle, Dex?' Emma said.
Dexter didn't think this was a good idea at all, but he didn't say so. 'OK, if that's what you want,' he said, without interest.
'I can't believe I just said "cuddle",' Emma said, after a minute of silence. 'What a terrible bourgeois word for me to use! I'm sorry.'
'We must get some sleep,' said Dexter. He was thinking, 'This must never happen again.'
There was daylight outside the window. Dexter was still awake and he was looking at Emma, who was sleeping next to him. 'I could leave quietly now, before she wakes up,' he told himself. 'Then I don't need to see her again. Will she mind? Probably, girls usually do mind. But will I mind?'
It was strange, but the answer to this was not clear to Dexter. There was something about Emma. She was pretty, but she seemed to hate herself for that. The red colour of her hair was out of a bottle and her hairstyle was awful. Dexter guessed that Emma's hair had been cut by Tilly Killick, the large, noisy girl who lived in the other room in this flat. 'But never mind the hair,' Dexter thought. 'Her face is really pretty and her body's amazing.'
Soon he decided that he would leave quietly, never mind what Emma's face and body were like. 'I'll probably never see her again,' he told himself.
Dexter was about to get quietly out of bed when Emma woke up.
'What are you doing later today?' she asked, sleepily.
'Tell her you're busy!' said a voice in Dexter's head.
'I don't have any plans,' he said aloud.
'Shall we do something together then?' she asked.
'Yes, all right,' Dexter said.
A moment later, Emma was asleep again.
Chapter two
Real Life
Saturday, 15th July 1989
Wolverhampton, England and Rome, Italy
Emma Morley was writing a letter.
Stoke Park School, Wolverhampton
Hello Dexter,
How are you? How is Rome? How is La Dolce Vita? (Try a dictionary!) I know that some people call Rome 'the eternal city' but I've been here in Wolverhampton for two days now and they have felt eternal to me. So perhaps Wolverhampton should be called by that name. Ha ha.
Well, I decided to take the job I told you about, so I'm working with Sledgehammer Theatre. It's a Theatre-in-Education group. For the past month, we've been touring schools with a play about slavery. Today we're performing it at this fine school. Anyway, we try to show 11-13-year olds that slavery was A BAD THING. Aren't we brave and original!
Really, I don't know why I am being nasty about my job. A lot of the kids have never thought about social problems of the past until now. And now some of them - the ones that don't throw things at us - are becoming really interested. So I still think that we can make a difference for people.
Emma was trying to be positive. She had to try hard. The last year had been full of mistakes.
After her graduation, she had stayed on in Edinburgh. But she had made a series of bad career choices. There was the terrible all-girl band she had played in. There was her first novel, which she had stopped writing. There was her second novel, which she had also stopped writing. She had worked in shops, trying to sell things to tourists. But the tourists never really wanted the things she tried to sell them. So finally she had moved back to Yorkshire to live with her parents. That wasn't good either.
'But you've got a really good degree,' Emma's mother said almost daily. 'Why on earth don't you use it to get yourself a good job?'
From time to time, Dexter Mayhew became part of her life for a few days. At the end of the summer, she had gone to stay at his rich parents' huge house in the countryside. But that had gone terribly wrong. Emma had had too much to drink one evening and had argued with Dexter's father about politics. She had shouted at him and told him he was a bourgeois fascist. Then, more recently, they had met up in London for the birthday party of one of their friends - a man called Callum O'Neill. Callum had shared a flat with Dexter in Edinburgh. He now had a successful business selling computers.
Dexter and Emma had spent the day after the party together. Most of the day they lay on the grass in Kensington Gardens. They drank wine from a bottle and they talked. They never quite touched each other and Dexter told her all about a wonderful Spanish girl called Lola. Emma decided that this was all their friendship was ever going to be. Clearly, Dexter didn't want to sleep with her. He wanted to tell her about the other girls he slept with. But strangely, Dexter also told her that his mother had liked her very much. 'She says she has a good feeling about you and me,' he'd said. At the time, Emma hadn't understood the importance of Dexter's words. Emma didn't know that Dexter loved his mother more than anyone in the world. And she didn't know that Dexter's mother felt the same about him.
Then Dexter had gone travelling again. When he was away, Emma wrote him long letters. He usually replied on postcards.
'We're just pen pals now,' Emma told herself. 'We'll never be anything more to each other.'
Emma got a job in a pub for a while, but living with her parents was killing her mind. When an old friend phoned and offered her a job in his theatre group, she'd accepted it immediately. But now, after three months, Emma hated the theatre group.
'I don't want to be here making a difference,' she thought. 'I want to be in Rome. I want to be with Dexter Mayhew.'
Emma made herself continue with her letter.
Anyway, I've got a new plan. I've written a two-woman play about Virginia Woolf and Emily Dickinson. One of my friends from the theatre group and I want to find somewhere in London where we can stage it. Do you remember my friend Tilly Killick? We shared a flat in Edinburgh. She lives in London now and she has a spare room in her flat. So I'll probably live there for a few months. Are you coming back to London soon? Maybe we could be flat mates?
Emma stopped writing. Suddenly she felt nervous. Then she wrote: It's all right, I'm just joking! But I really miss you, Dex. And she signed her name.
In Rome, Dexter was out with a Danish girl. He was working as an English teacher and the girl was one of his students. She was nineteen.
'I have an exam on Monday,' the girl said. 'Test me on verbs, please, Dexter.'
'All right - the present continuous,' Dexter replied.
'I am kissing, you are kissing, he is kissing...' said the girl. She showed him how to kiss too. 'But what would Emma Morley think about this?' Dexter suddenly thought.
Chapter three
The Taj Mahal
Sunday, 15th July 1990
Camden Town, London and Bombay, India
'The restaurant opens in ten minutes and I have a few things to tell you.'
Scott was the manager of Loco Caliente, a Tex-Mex restaurant in Camden Town, North London. The restaurant was one of a chain.
'First, these are the special dishes for this lunchtime,' Scott went on when his staff had stopped talking. 'Today's special soup is corn chowder.'
Several of the waiters pretended to be sick and he stopped talking again for a few seconds. 'And today's other special dish is "an amazing fish burrito" which contains "delicious pieces of cod and prawns". That's how the document from headquarters describes it, anyway - and those are the words you must use too.'
'It sounds really horrible,' said one of the waiters, laughing.
'Look at it this way - we're bringing a taste of the North Atlantic to the beaches of Mexico,' said Emma Morley. She sounded very tired as she made the joke. As she tied her waitress's apron round her waist she noticed someone she hadn't seen before - a large man with curly, blonde hair. He was wearing a waiter's uniform and he was quite nice-looking.
'And now here's some good news at last,' said Scott. He pointed at the stranger. 'This is Ian Whitehead, who is joining our happy team. Ian - this is Emma. She'll look after you today. She's been here longer than all the others.'
Emma did not think that this was anything to be proud of. She gave Ian a little smile as one of the waiters turned on the lunchtime music. The first song was, of course, 'La Cucaracha'. She asked herself once more what she was doing here. She asked herself once more what she was going to do with her life.
Later, when Emma was showing Ian what he should do, she asked him about himself.
'I need to be in London,' he said. 'I took this job because I need to earn some money on the side.'
'Why? What do you really do?' Emma asked.
'Well...' he said, in a funny accent, 'really, I'm a comedian!'
'A comedian! What kind of comedian?' asked Emma.
'I do stand-up comedy in the evenings. I do gigs at small comedy clubs, but they don't pay me very much.'
Then he surprised her. He asked her to go on a date with him that evening - to one of the clubs. She was touched, but she refused.
In Bombay, Dexter Mayhew was writing a letter.
Emma, Emma, Emma. How are you? What are you doing? I'm in Bombay and it's raining. It rains here even harder than it rains in Edinburgh. It's too wet to go out so I'm staying in my hotel room. I'm a bit drunk, are you surprised?
I've seen some amazing things here in India and I've taken thousands of photos. I'll show all of them to you very, very slowly when I get back. I showed some of them to a TV producer I met a few days ago. She's from London but she's making a film here. I think she liked me - she wants me to call her when I get back to England. Maybe she'll have a job for me in TV! I'll need to work soon and I'm banned from teaching English to foreigners. I'm not sorry about that, I hated it. But I was treated very badly. That Danish girl was twenty-one!
What are you doing now? Are you still sharing a flat with Tilly? Are you still working at that horrible restaurant? You need to leave that job, Emma. Listen to me, Emma!
We need to do something about your life. I'm drunk at the moment, so I'm just going to tell you what I think. You are clever. And you are beautiful. And you are loveable. And you are SEXY! You should be CONFIDENT! I want to take you away from boring people like Tilly Killick and Callum O'Neill, the computer king. Would you like to live with me when I get back to England? We would just be flatmates, of course.
Now, here's my plan to change your life. Are you sitting down? The shock might knock you over! You should be here with me in India. I'm going to wire you some money. I've always wanted to wire someone some money - it will make me feel important. Use the money to buy a plane ticket to Delhi. Then take a train to Agra and go to the Taj Mahal. Have you heard of it? It's a big white building and it's named after that Indian restaurant on the Lothian Road in Edinburgh. Be there exactly at noon on 1st August. Stand under the dome with a red rose in your hand. I'll find you. I'll be carrying a white rose. Isn't that the greatest plan you've ever heard in your life?
Well, Emma, I'm still drunk, but it's stopped raining.
I'm going out now to meet some Dutch people in a bar. I met them earlier today. They're all girls. They're nice. Don't forget - the Taj Mahal at noon on 1st August. I'll find you.
After he had finished the letter, Dexter took a cold shower and soon he was feeling better. He was almost sober now. As he was dressing, he saw the letter, lying on his bed. Should he send it? Suddenly he felt nervous. He'd called Emma clever and beautiful. He'd called her loveable. He'd called her sexy! He'd asked her to live with him. Would she be angry with him? Would she come to India? Did he really want to see her that much? He decided that he did. He decided that he would post the letter that evening. He put it in his pocket and he went out. Then he walked happily to the bar where his new friends were waiting.
At about nine o'clock that evening Dexter left the bar with one of his Dutch friends - her name was Renee. As they left, they bumped into a large German girl with a huge backpack. She was a student from Cologne and she was called Heidi. She was tired and cross, and she swore quietly at Dexter - it had been a long day. She crossed the room and sat down heavily on the sofa where Dexter had been sitting. A few minutes later she moved sideways across the sofa and felt something hard pressing into her leg. She swore again. There was an envelope between the cushions of the sofa. She pulled it out and looked at it.
Heidi opened the envelope and took out the letter. She read it to the end. Her English wasn't very good, but she understood most of the letter. She realized that it was important. It was the kind of letter she wanted someone to write to her. It was a beautiful letter. She wanted this person called Emma to receive it. But there was no name written on the envelope. And there was no address written on the letter. What could she do? Sadly, she realized there was nothing she could do.
Chapter four
A Career Opportunity
Monday, 15th July 1991
Camden Town and Primrose Hill, London
'Listen to me, please, everyone,' Scott McKenzie shouted.
'The restaurant opens in ten minutes and I have some things to tell you. First, these are the special dishes for this lunchtime.' Scott stopped, looked around him and then went on when his staff had stopped talking. 'Today's special soup is corn chowder. And the special burrito is turkey.'
'Turkey's not a good idea in July,' said Ian Whitehead wearily. 'Turkey's really for Christmas.' He shook his head in despair. This made Emma Morley laugh. Ian was now Emma's best friend, but she rarely laughed at what he said. Scott looked at the two of them.
'Ian, you can clean the toilets today,' Scott said. 'Emma, I need to talk to you in my office.'
Emma followed the manager into his office and sat down. 'I'll come straight to the point,' Scott said. 'I'm leaving Loco Caliente soon. I'm going to be the manager of a big, new restaurant in West London. Do you want to be the manager here when I go? It's a good career opportunity. Head office wants someone who isn't going anywhere. Someone who won't go away travelling or leave suddenly to start a more exciting job.'
And suddenly, Emma was crying.
'What's wrong, Emma?' Scott asked. 'Has somebody upset you?'
'No, it's all right, Scott. It's really nothing,' Emma told him. 'Don't worry, I'll be fine in a minute.'
'Go and rest in the staffroom,' said Scott kindly. 'Give me your answer about the job tomorrow.'
A few minutes later Emma was alone in the staffroom. She looked around her in despair. She knew that she couldn't leave her job. She had to spend all her money on rent, so she needed to take the manager's job. But she didn't want to be a restaurant manager all her life. She still wanted to be a writer, or perhaps a film-maker, or a painter. She wanted to be something in the arts. She spent lots of time writing - she mostly wrote poems these days. But nothing was working well for her. Nobody wanted to publish her poems. Emma knew that her mother was still trying to find jobs for her in Yorkshire. Some days, she thought she would go back there. 'I've had a battle with London and London has won,' she told herself. But she wasn't ready to stop fighting yet. She needed to be in London.
Emma opened her handbag and took out her special notebook. The book had a beautiful cover and lovely, thick, white paper. It was where Emma wrote her poems. Now she took out her best pen. She thought for minute, then she started to write a new poem about how she felt. The poem she wrote was quite short and she knew it was really bad. She turned back through the pages of the book and found an earlier poem called Daybreak in Edinburgh. She read it.